It had been three weeks since my throat started to feel sore, and it wasn’t getting better. The pain was most acute when I spoke.…
Difficult conversations
Tips on how to respond to workplace negativity
Working With People You Don’t Like Video
How to Speak More Strategically
The Mouthwash Principle: For Max Effectiveness At Work, Rinse And Repeat
I had what I considered a pretty solid dental routine: floss and brush twice a day. That’s enough, right? Not according to my new dentist.…
Do You Know What You Are Feeling?
Over the 23 years since we met, my wife Eleanor and I have spent considerable time, money, and energy on our development. Individually and together,…
The Challenge: Do One Emotionally Difficult Thing Every Day
The email was compelling–a personal note from Jared*, a man I like and respect. He had taken over from me as president of the board…
How to Respond to Emotional Outbursts
“Please, Daddy, please? Can we open our presents from you now?” It was the third night of Hanukkah and my wife Eleanor, our three young…
Diversity Training Doesn’t Work
“We’ve got another lawsuit,” my friend and client Lana* told me over the phone. “Really?” I was honestly surprised. “What about all that diversity training…
The Problem with High Expectations
At 5 am I was lying in bed, awake, thinking. Actually, thinking is too generous a word for what I was doing. I was perseverating.…
Do People Really Want You to Be Honest?
My wife Eleanor and I were walking up a mountain road, enjoying a rare moment of being alone together. As we rounded a bend, we…
How to Really Listen
One morning, my wife Eleanor woke up, turned over, and said, “I am not looking forward to this day.” I asked her why. What came…
Getting Past a Communication Impasse
What do you do when you have a communication impasse with someone you care about? Jim* is a friend and…
Arguing Is Pointless
It was lunchtime and the seven of us — two kids and five adults — would be in the car…
Don’t Let the Package Distract You from the Message
My wife Eleanor and I came home from dinner the other night, and found our babysitter, Leslie*, in tears. “Is…
How to Handle Surprise Criticism
“Peter, there’s something we want to talk to you about,” Mark said as we were sitting on the ground eating…
When to Confront Someone: The Rule of Three
“Should I bother to have the conversation with her? What do you think?” Mike*, a marketing director, was telling me…
The Martial Art of Difficult Conversations
My wife Eleanor and I used to live in a small house in Princeton, New Jersey. One night we returned…